How I Spent the Night

This poem is from page 112-117 of the book “Furmaan Khalsa: Poems to Live By” by Siri Singh Sahib Bhai Sahib Harbhajan Khalsa Yogiji (Yogi Bhajan)

I bit my lips,
And tasted my own blood.
I spent the night tossing and turning,
My body would not rest,
I couldn’t stop moving around.

This body and this life
Are an illusion.
Where are there arms to hug me?
I have kissed the whole world on the lips,
But no one has truly loved me.

Outside…
Life streams by irresistibly.
Inside…
My mind rages out of control.
Lost…
Lost…

In the cavern of my ribcage
My heart beats.
I’m crying…
But no tears come to my eyes.

In the morning I forgot to pray.
I forgot my True Guru all night.
Why can’t I remember?
How can I feel satisfied without my Lover?

Oh! If only my Lover would come to me!
Singing heavenly songs of Love,
Calming my mind,
Warming my body,
Just talking…of this and that.

Why am I biting my lips?
Let me gather up my memories…
Let me open my eyes and see God’s Light all around me!

Alas, my tongue is still thirsty for the taste of my blood.
What are the false consolations of the world?

I bowed over and over…
And never found God.
But then He came…
And took me in His arms.
People live in doubt
For no reason at all…
But this is their Karma.

If the Bond of Love
That joins me with my dearest and most beloved friend
Remains unbroken,
Then my inner mind might calm down,
And finally stop running around.

I live within myself.
When I feel like laughing,
I laugh!
How can I ever explain this secret to anyone?
All I can do is laugh out loud!
And smile inside.

My inner mind is filled with pain.
Waves of awareness wash over me…
I’m helpless to stop it.
The heat!
Oh God! The heat!
My body is melting!

Morning has come…
The night is over.
I count my breaths…
Moment to moment…

Even in the daylight
I feel crucified…
My dreams are still calling out to me…
Beseeching!

Oh Yogi! Perform your Yoga,
And do your meditation.
Shed your body,
Like dirty clothes,
And dive deep,
Into the Crimson Bliss
Of Nam.

Explanation of this poem by Guruka Singh Khalsa

(As it appears on page 260 of the book Furmaan Khalsa: Poems to Live By)

This poem is closer in style to Sufi poetry than Gurmat poetry.  In parts of it, the Siri Singh Sahib uses a romantic vocabulary similar to that used by the Persian Sufi mystics.  He wrote it early in the morning of June 17, 1980, after having wakened from sleeping in a chair in the Albuquerque, New Mexico airport while waiting for a plane.  The passionate intensity and revealing intimacy of this poem is unique within this volume.

The Siri Singh Sahib ~ Yogi Bhajan: The saint, the teacher, the humanitarian, the leader. Within these pages of “Furmaan Khalsa” lies a manual of conscious living written in the form of 108 luminous and inspiring poems. Based on the science of human consciousness called Raj Yog and written as a guide for future generations, these poems answer questions on how to live successfully with an open heart and mind amidst the challenges of the modern world.

Read the Forward, Dedication and Introduction to Furmaan Khalsa.   If you are interested in purchasing this book, visit the SDI Marketplace or Sat Nam Europe